The KFC Radio 2014 AFC West Preview

by @TheClemReport on September 1, 2014

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If you missed them, check out our AFC EastAFC North, and AFC South previews.

Denver Broncos

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Over/Under Win Total: 11.5

Odds to win division: -300

Odds to win Super Bowl: 6/1

Underrated Fantasy Player: Ronnie Hillman. I believe that Hillman is the guy to pick if you don’t believe in Montee Ball or think Ball may get hurt.  The coaching staff spoke glowingly of Ronnie Hillman over the summer.  And don’t forget, No Talent Knowshon Moreno was able to beat out Ball as the starter last year.

Overrated Fantasy Player:  Wes Welker. Welker’s brain may be liquified by this point and he is one bad hit away from retirement.  He also had an unsustainable touchdown rate at the beginning of last season.  Don’t buy unless you can get him at an extremely low price.

Moment of Zen:

Porn Star Comparison: Rachel Starr.  I think Rachel Starr is the bees knees.  She has the complete package, just like the Broncos.  But I would be lying to you if I didn’t think there are some rough times ahead for both of them in the next 2-3 years.  Enjoy them while they last.

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Bottom Line: The king stay the king, at least for this year anyway.  Adding DeMarcus Ware to a decent defense should ensure that the Broncos compete for best record in the NFL again.  I also predict that the Broncos will win the Super Bowl and John Elway will return the favor by saying “This one’s for Pat“.  And there will not be a dry eye in the entire world.  The Broncos have a much tougher schedule this year, so Over 11.5 is not a lock.  But I’ve bet against Peyton Manning many times before.  And all of that American currency is now funding some faceless offshore casino owner.  Over 11.5.

Kansas City Chiefs

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Over/Under Win Total: 8

Odds to win division: +600

Odds to win Super Bowl: 50/1

Underrated Fantasy Player: Travis Kelce. This may be the fastest tight end, let alone white tight end, I have ever seen.  If he dominates the first few weeks, he could be a bargain off of the waiver wire.

Overrated Fantasy Player: Dwayne Bowe. Dwayne Bowe is not very good at football these days.  Alex Smith has never been very good at throwing to wide receivers.  It is more fun saying Dwayne Bowe’s name than it is to actually draft and own him.

Moment of Zen:

Porn Star Comparison: Jenna Haze. Sometimes they are fun to watch, sometimes watching them is painful.  Both are up and down like the stock market.

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Bottom Line: The Chiefs got off to a great start last season due to a weak schedule and some fluky breaks.  Their offense and defense both lost key contributors to free agency.  The AFC West may not be as good as it looked last season, but I am taking the under 8 wins for the Chefs.  The only way that the Chiefs make the playoffs this season is if Andy Reid can work his magic and sneak into a wild card spot. Great googly moogly.

Oakland Raiders

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Over/Under Win Total: 5

Odds to win division: +1800

Odds to win Super Bowl: 150/1

Underrated Fantasy Player: Maurice Jones-Drew.  MoJo looked better than expected at the end of last season, and if the Raiders are going to score points, they will need Drew to come through in a big way.  Their offensive line is good enough to create some holes, so if Mighty Mouse is healthy, he could have a comeback season.

Overrated Fantasy Player: Darren McFadden.  Last year my buddy drafted Run DMC and told me “I can’t believe he is hurt”.  I would believe that Darren McFadden is half unicorn before I believe that he would stay healthy for an entire season.  Considering his lack of production and injury history, there isn’t really any upside to drafting McFadden in my mind.

Moment of Zen:

Porn Star Comparison: Bonnie Rotten.  I think you have to be pretty hardcore to be a Raiders/Bonnie Rotten fan.  Considering that I am still scared of Gia from Full House, my utter fear of Bonnie Rotten shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.  I’m as basic a bitch as you will get.

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Bottom Line: The Raiders have sucked for the last 10 years and they will suck for the next 10 years as long as Fanboy Mark Davis is their owner (that’s his actual name.  I looked it up on Google and everything).  I also learned that his favorite color is aqua blue and children use him as a scarecrow during the fall.  All that being said, I have to take someone to go over in this division other than Denver.  Raiders over 5. *places loaded gun in mouth*

San Diego Chargers

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Over/Under Win Total: 8

Odds to win division: +500

Odds to win Super Bowl: 33/1

Underrated Fantasy Player: Ryan Mathews.  As a member of the Ryan Mathews Support Group, I completely understand that this may be a stretch.  Mathews is one of the most frustrating players in fantasy football and is usually fumbling, injury machine.  But you have to take a leap of faith sometimes, and that is what I am going to do with Mathews.  I think he has turned the corner and will be a reliable RB2 for the next few seasons, as the Chargers monitor his workload.  Also, if he wants to keep getting paid big NFL checks, he will have to gut out the injuries and hold the ball like Tiki Barber used to.

Overrated Fantasy Player: LaDarius Green.  Green is an absolute beast that will become a stud tight end sooner rather than later.  I just don’t like putting a bunch of my fantasy eggs in the basket of a deep threat that is 2nd on the depth chart on a team that doesn’t like to throw deep.

Moment of Zen:

Porn Star Comparison: Jesse Jane.  The Chargers and Jesse Jane seem like they just should have been better the last 6 years or so.  While they were in no way a bust during this time, it just feels like they left something on the table.

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Bottom Line: The Chargers took advantage of an easy schedule in 2013 to sneak into the playoffs and cause everyone to forget that Phillip Rivers is a good but not great quarteback.  This is a typical team that overperformed last season and everyone will pick them to return to the playoffs.  Not this guy, though.  The Chargers will be under 8 wins this season.  You can put it on the boooooooard, YES!

Follow me on Twitter @TheClemReport

6 Things you didn’t know Justin Verlander had a hand in

by @SaintBrendan on September 1, 2014

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I got one hand on Kate Upton’s ass cheek and the other is….well…..you can’t see around dat ass.

At this point, unless you’re Ichabod Crane, you have heard about all the leaked photos from The Spooky Ghost and “The Fappening” as it’s been known. If you haven’t, you can very easily search for the photo that kicked it off. That being said, it’s a photo that I think I’ve seen before. In doing some research, I’ve found that Verlander has had his hand in a lot of things in history.

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The signing of the Declaration of Independence, Verlander was there.

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The Kennedy assassination and the shooting of Lee Harvey Oswald? What role did he play?

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Fixing the 1985 NBA draft for the Knicks/Give David Stern pink eye? Verlander.

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The “if the glove don’t fit defense?” Only a pitcher of Verlander’s caliber could come up with that.

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Was it really Bartman’s fault? Nope. Verlander.

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Splashing the pot? That was Verlander.

Tweet me @SaintBrendan if you’ve seen Verlander’s hands somewhere else.

The KFC Radio 2014 AFC South Preview

August 31, 2014

If you missed them, check out our AFC East and AFC North previews. Houston Texans Over/Under Win Total: 7.5 Odds to win division: +300 Odds to win Super Bowl: 66/1 Underrated Fantasy Player:  Texans Defense.  Going into last season, people thought the Texans defense could be a very good fantasy unit.  Then Matt Schaub happened.  Again.  And again. […]

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Steph Curry’s list of top 5 shooters today and of all time is kind of horseshit

August 30, 2014

(For those who don’t wanna watch the video, his top 5 current shooters are: Steph Curry, Kyle Korver, Klay Thompson, Ray Allen and Steve Novak. All time: Steph Curry, Dell Curry, Steve Kerr, Reggie Miller and Ray Allen)  First and foremost, LOVE that Steph put himself on both lists. Curry being in the top 5 is […]

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The KFC Radio 2014 AFC North Preview

August 29, 2014

*Editors Note: God damn this division has an ugly color scheme Baltimore Ravens Over/Under Win Total: 8.5 Odds to win division: +275 Odds to win Super Bowl: 40/1 Fantasy Underrated: Torrey Smith. Playing the same position as Andre Johnson, Rod Smith, and Pierre Garcon in a Kubiak/Shanahan inspired offense should mean a ton of targets and points for Smith […]

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NH man caught jerking off while driving on the highway

August 29, 2014

Nashua Patch – Just in case you didn’t already know, if you’re caught “applying the hand brake” or “revving your stick shift” while driving on New Hampshire highways and you get caught, you will face criminal charges. That’s a lesson that Denis Bolduc, 54, of Nashua, is learning this week after being arrested on Aug. […]

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The KFC Radio 2014 AFC East Preview

August 28, 2014

Buffalo Bills Over/Under Win Total: 6.5 Odds to win division: 9/1 Odds to win Super Bowl: 100/1 Fantasy Sleeper: Bryce Brown.  Fred Jackson is a fossil in running back years and C.J. Spiller is a free agent after the season.  There is a legit chance that the Bills traded for Brown so he could become their […]

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John Lennon’s killer apologizes for being “such an idiot.”

August 28, 2014

NBC - John Lennon’s imprisoned killer says he still gets letters about the pain he has caused. Mark David Chapman was denied release during his eighth appearance before a parole board last week. New York state corrections officials on Wednesday released the transcript from the hearing at the Wende Correctional Facility. Chapman told the parole board he’s sorry […]

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CBS coming out with all-female sports talk show perfectly titled “We Need To Talk”

August 27, 2014

NESN - After much speculation, CBS Sports announced Tuesday that they’ll be debuting the first-ever all-female national sports show. “We Need To Talk” will be hosted, produced, and directed by women. Lesley Visser, Amy Trask, Tracy Wolfson, Dana Jacobson and Allie LaForce will host the show, which premieres Tuesday, Sept. 30 at 10 p.m. ET on CBS Sports […]

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The KFC Radio Lay’s “Do Us A Flavor” Potato Chip Review

August 26, 2014

You are flat out lying to yourself if you haven’t seen the Lay’s “Do Us A Flavor” chips in the store and didn’t at least wonder if one of them tasted good.  Well I sacrificed a few bucks and my boyish figure to do the heavy lifting for you guys. The four flavors are Mango […]

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