38-year-old Broads

by Mick on August 16, 2013

KFC and the Puerto Rican Puff Daddy talked the usual shit yesterday on Mailtime. You know, it started out as basically the cleaned up version of what KFC Radio could be, if it wasn’t for the absolute lunacy that are the Stoolies. Then, almost on cue, it delves into a conversation about shitting your pants. Nevertheless an interesting conversation was had.

Now look, I’m 23, so KFC and the PRPD’s responses are probably a little different from mine. KFC only has a 10-year gap and the PRPD has a mere six-year gap. I have a real big gap for dating with these girls. I’m only 23, prime time swinging age. I legitimately think that anyone who gets into a serious relationship, like potential marriage, before 25 is an absolute lunatic. Can’t see why people do this. Just saw someone on Facebook post marriage pictures the other day that I went to high school with. News flash: I graduated high school FIVE years ago. Let your life breath for a second before you hop onto the marriage bus that your parents make look like a fucking BLAST. But this brings me to the question; can I date a 38-year-old chick? A woman who is 15 years my senior? If we’re talking celebrities then it’s obviously a no brainer. Let’s run through some of the 38 year olds in Hollywood:

Paula Patton:

Good enough for the King of Swing, Robin Thicke. Good enough for me, date in a second.

patton paula

Charlize Theron: 

Anyone that doesn’t date Charlize Theron is dumb and/or gay.



Angelina Jolie:

Legendary smokebomb but she has like 100 kids from 10 different countries so that’s a problem. More of a hit it and quit it.

angelina jolie


Christina Hendricks:

I don’t watch Mad Men and the only reason I know who this chick is, is because of her bombs. Date.



Eva Longoria:

One of my all time favorites, one of the only good things that Mark Sanchez has ever done. Date.

eva longoria

Ok, there are a few more celebrities that are 38 that we would all date or bang like Marion Coitillard (Dark Knight Rises), Drew Barrymore (sometimes) and a few others but if we’re being serious about it then the topic becomes a lot harder. If I met a 38-year-old in a bar, I hit on her all night and everything goes my way and we end back at her place then that’s when things start getting weird. You realize she has a house, probably has a kid, a car that is way too normal or expensive for a girl my age. Then, after the dust settles she lays on me that she’s 38. At that point, if the sex was mediocre then I just had a solid night and a pretty hilarious story. If this is a woman I wanna see again, then a decision must be made.

I honestly have to say I don’t think I could do it, unless it’s a celebrity. The age gap for me is just too big. Like when I was born she was a junior in high school. That is just too big a gap to have things to relate to. It’s hard enough to find shit I and a girl my age have in common but I’m supposed to figure out what a woman who was in high school when Bel Biv Devoe was still on the radio is interested in? Fuck that. Plus, bringing her around my friends talking about shit that is going on today like music, sports and the like, is just guaranteed to bring up the conversation, ‘Do you think I’m old?’ Then, she cries that she’s too old and nobody wants to see that. She’s going to try to say ‘Well, when I was in high school..’ We were still sperm in our Dad’s nutsack, we get it. Also, it infuriates me when people who are older try to act superior because their technology was less advanced. ‘When I grew up we didn’t have iPhones or GPS so life was so much harder, blah blah blah’ Listen honey, sorry I grew up in this age and technology is awesome but don’t act so smug because you had to use a payphone and a goddamn map. Guess what, it’s not that cool.

Like KFC said, you don’t wanna be that guy that is known for bringing the old chick around. It’s just not a good look. So, count me out for any chick that is more than five years older, can’t do it.






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