How Do You Shit At A Party?

by Mick on June 13, 2013

One of the best questions ever was asked on KFC Radio last night. What is the protocol for taking a shit at a party? Pure brilliance. Whoever asked this and started this discussion with the three wise men gets question of the month. Except for that guy at the end of the show with the dick and cake question, nearly pissed myself there.

It’s all happened to us. We’re standing there at a party and you felt it the notorious gurgling in the gut that signals you’re about the drop a brown bomber. Literally about to rain hellfire down on this toilet. If I’m being honest here, you must have some shame at a party.  Can’t just treat like any other trip to the bathroom. Your on the road, in the other team’s arena, they have home field advantage. If you’re at a big party and you got a line going on with people about to stain themselves and you go in to take a shit, you’re an asshole. If you can hold that shit in, then you cork it and fart in the corner.

Unless you’re going to go and embarrass yourself in the middle of a party then yeah go and take a shit but you gotta do your best to do it discreetly. Don’t just walk out and be like “Yeah, I took a shit what of it?” That’s the guy who no one talks to for the rest of the night and he goes home and jerks off while he cries. The best situation you can hope for is that they have another toilet. Find the one that is hidden away from all the others and get your dump on. Sit down and enjoy yourself. Then you spray the shit out of that bathroom. Give it the business. If you are stuck with the one toilet situation and there’s a line, I’m more of the position of grabbing your weight in TP and finding a spot outside and out-of-the-way. If you’re above shitting outside then I guess you weren’t a boy scout and you never really lived.

Sure it’ll look weird if anyone catches but you know what’s weirder? Shitting your pants. You prepared to be that guy at the party? Cause I sure as hell as fuck am not. Do you wanna smell like your bowel movements when trying to pick up a chick? I sure don’t want to smell like what comes out of me on a regular basis.  You probably ate taco bell for dinner and it came a calling at 12:30 in the morning and you were just trying to get your grind on and get your ugly ass laid. Then those two crunchwrap supremes remind you of your shortcomings. Before you know it, this is you:

Also, you’re just gonna be farting like a motherfucker the entire time and no one is worse than the guy just cropdusts the fuck out of a party. If you’re the guy that farts and leaves quick letting the blame fall on someone else you’re a dick. You know who you are.

Also, I’m officially throwing my hat in the Blackhawks ring purely because of Feitelberg and his ludicrous comments last night.


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