Your Cinema (That means Movie) Fantasy Football team

by @SaintBrendan on August 18, 2014

Another year, another fantasy league draft has arrived for me and like so many other years, I expect to barely get into the playoffs and then lose in the first round when my wide receivers catch nothing and my defense give up millions of touchdowns to send me home packing. If I had to compare my fantasy football career to any professional franchise, it’d be the Orlando Magic…a couple good years but never really that good. However, if there’s one thing I do have knowledge about, it’s film and sports movies. So, in keeping with the changing of the season and the start of (fantasty) football season, here’s your Film Fantasy Football team.

Quarterback: Jimmy Dix, “The Last Boy Scout” (1991)

Hooo hoo hoooo, can you feel the tension?! Feel that intensity! Before your Willie Beaman, there was Jimmy Dix, the Warren Moon of bad attitude of film professional football. If you’re going to make it through a fantasy football season, you can’t have your guy going mobile all the time or at risk of getting a concussion from sitting in the pocket too long a la Jack Kap style. Dix was thrown out of the league for gambling but you can’t deny his edge. Or his awesome hat collection.

Running Back 1 – Ernie Davis, “The Express” 2008

Okay, so being as though it’s fictional fantasy football and this is based on the true story of Ernie Davis, the Syracuse Heisman Award winner, his talent was undeniable and seeing as though this is one of the few movies about a running back specifically, you gotta take him. Except for that whole early death thing.

Running Back 2 – Julian “J-man” Washington, “Any Given Sunday” (1999)

Three words: Incentive Laden Contract. Guy plays for money and that means points. He doesn’t want wins, he wants TD’s which translates to making it rain fantasy points. No brainer, here.

Wide Receiver 1 – Charlie Tweeder “Varsity Blues” (1999)

All heart, but more importantly, the entire West Canaan offense seems to revolve around 60 yard bombs/1 yard touchdown passes from Mox or Harbor. And with a racist head coach, count on Tweeder getting all the points. Also, remember he’s doing the KR/PR as well, might pick up a bonus TD here and there.

Wide Receiver 2 – Rod Tidwell “Jerry Maguire” (1996)

Again, no brainer for the very fact he’s playing for a contract. Especially when you know he doesn’t want to do these ads anymore:

Flex – Forrest Gump “Forrest Gump” (1994)

According to fictional Bear Bryant, “He’s the stupidest son of a bitch alive, but he sure is fast.” That’s enough for me to take a chance on him taking kick/punt returns every game with possible backside points on the Special Teams slot. Double points? Sign me up. Also, considering the fact he was an All American at KR/PR, tells me he’s taking at least 5 or 6 back at least a year.

Tight End – Brian Murphy “The Replacements” (2000)

A deaf guy? For sure would be around in the 8th round and is a steal considering his clutch factor of catching the big catch when it counts most.


Side note, I have never seen The Replacements.

Defense/Special Teams – South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dogs “The Waterboy” (1998)

Sacks. Sacks. Sacks. = Points

Kicker – Corporal Luis Fernandez “Escape to Victory” (1981)

Okay, here’s the kicker on this kicker…it’s Pele. Doesn’t matter what type of football it is, it’s Pele. Nobody would think to take him and it won’t matter the field position, the ball is going through the uprights.

But that’s just my roster, got someone better that should make the ultimate roster? I doubt it, but tweet it to @KFCradio or me @SaintBrendan

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